once again i'm here, and the reason why i'm here makes me sick.
i wonder how long will i rely on this place again.
everything's over
once again my dreams are dashed
whatever happiness that once belonged to me was taken away
why must i suffer all these crap again?
i thought it's my fault for not putting in enough effort in my relationship that led to such an ending, but now it's the other way round. you complained that i treated you too well that you felt stress and pressured. actually to me, i seriously think it's kind of ridiculous. i didn't know it's a mistake to be nice to my boyfriend, i didn't know it's wrong to put in effort for my relationship. All i wanted was for you to be happy, because whenever you're happy, it makes me feel happy too. I didn't know what i did, did not make you happy instead it gave you pressure. you won't understand how i feel, because you can't see how precious you are to me, how much i treasure this relationship with you. to me, i don't feel that i really treated you that well, if only you could see yourself in my eyes.
actually i really don't wanna give you up, i don't want you out of my life, but when you said you're tired asking me to leave you alone, i accepted the fact. i don't want you to be angry, i don't wanna upset you. i'm letting you go because i love you baby. no matter how hard it takes i know i can no longer hold on to you anymore, i hope you're happier this way. it's a torture not being able to contact you anymore, i wonder how long can i stand this but i know i have to do it. this time i won't beg you anymore, i know it's pointless, i know you won't turn back anymore. although everybody thinks badly of you, although everybody is telling me that you're not a good guy, that i should just move on without you. but in my heart, you're still the perfect boyfriend from the start. although they say everything you said are all lies to make yourself look like the good guy but i really hope that that's not the fact. i hope our love is not fake, i hope you meant everything you said and do.
every time my phone rings, although i know it won't be you anymore, but deep down i'll still secretly hope that it's you. i know i shouldn't have anymore hopes but i just can't help it, i really don't want this to happen, why must i force myself to let go of something i really want to hold on to. why must you make me suffer so much, why must you write the end to my fairytale. why must you wake me up of my dreams and make me look at the harsh reality? everything happened so sudden, one day ago everything was still perfectly fine and the next moment you broke up with me. i really wonder how you manage all this feelings, how you accepted the sudden changes, or am i really so insignificant to you. i seriously hope you are the kind that will talk to you when problems arise and not run away, whatever that you're unhappy with you could have talk to me about it, things don't have to come to such an extent. maybe if we sat down and talk things out, things would have worked out. but at this stage at this moment, no matter how sad i feel, i know i did my best in this relationship, although i'm very sad that it didn't work out between us but i have no regrets, at least i tried. thanks for trying too, although it's a very short period but i'm really very happy during this two months and it's because of you, thank you haroy soh yu shi, i love you. the last time i can say this, i love you i really do, i'll miss you badly i know, your smile, your eyes, your hands, your hug, your kiss, everything. do take care of yourself, don't fall sick alright? i can't be there to take care of you anymore.
