day one without love
well i guess the first day is always the most difficult day?
no actually it should be when i first heard the news, that night was totally torturous!
i couldn't get any sleep till like morning 5plus?
it's just too much for me to accept
i can't close my eyes without seeing your face and that scene is so heart wrenching.
and to top it off, it was our second month.
thinking back, feels so contradicting when i said happy second month baby!
it was like a total opposite? hais T.T
well the official first day, i woke up around 2:30 in the afternoon.
i think i was awaken by some negative thoughts?
i can't remember exactly what, all i remember is i woke up feeling very very sad
and all that's going through my mind is that he can't be around for me anymore for a long long god damn LONG TIME!!!
and that thought is seriously killing me!
sorry it's not a thought, it's a F.A.C.T
@#$?!*&!@!#!@$(!@#$!
wtf why am i so unlucky?!
but i love him too much to let go off him now, i really hope i can survive that one year with the same feelings for him
anyway, i called rachel darling for awhile to chat so as to make myself feel better and indeed i did, thanks darling girl (:
after that i went out to meet jilljill to do our manicure and pedicure.
in between when i see her texting her boyfie, i'll miss mine and feel alittle down
but i guess i managed to throw that emotion to the back of my mind
but when we were having dinner at cafe cartel i can't resist the temptation and texted you
in the end all i get was disappointment and a very dejected feeling
thanks to the reply i'm busy.
it just send tears down my cheek
i can't help it
i can't cope with the sudden 360 degree change!
from yes baby, give me a min i'll call you when i'm done alright? to i'm busy.
how am i supposed to get used to such cold replies from you
and maintain the feelings we have and sustain our relationship for a year?!
i don't know about you, but i seriously find it soooooooo freaking difficult!
you won't understand how i felt when i receive such smses from you
how hurtful those words are
多的是你不知道的事
luckily, things got a little better later when you texted me again.
when we had the little chat with more words
but the one message that really made my day was the one when i asked you about going out to drink with darius, your reply made me feel loved(:
"only you and him? seriously i can't say much. you should know what i mean"
yes baby of course i know what you mean(:
i love you so much!
jill came over to my house to accompany me for the night
which felt so much better
at least it kept me from all those unnecessary thoughts
and and we talked on the phone for awhile! hehehe!
baby, do you know there's actually another message that made me feel like you're still my baby boy without any changes.
"suddenly woke up de. going back to sleep now. then you still don't want to sleep?"
cause that's like almost 5 in the morning already, your little concern makes me feel very happy already. it's like the old saying, behind every dark clouds there'll be a silver lining.
had a nice chat with jilljill till 7am in the morning i think
which actually made me feel even more proud of my babyboy
i've got the best boyfriend in the world(:
although he can't be around now ):
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