today was a buzzy bee day!
so many things to do to keep me occupied
marketing UT sucks big time!
i wasted 6 marks due to the time constrains
i didn't manage to finish the full paper, so saddening ):
late for class as usual
really gotta get rid of this super bad habit
a few faci has been commenting on me coming in late for class which is a negative impression for them, awwww~
anyway, met jill and intro her to my new classmate jessica
hahaha random
but yea, we trained down together and it's good to see my friend and my sister clicking well
at least it's not that awkward.
went all the way down to aljunied just for a half an hour training about some stupid windows mobile thingy that we have to promote starting from this week.
hope this new working environment wouldn't be so bad
i'll be at causeway point's singtel shop this sunday and probably next week if i'm free.
today, i thought of you again.
some good, some bad
when i was walking to causeway after school today i met mingyang
the first thing he asked me when he saw me was,
" where's ethan? "
i was like sighing in my heart, i wished i know it too
so i said," i don't know "
he replied, " huh! how can you not know? he's your boyfriend leh! "
* putting salt on my wound *
" we broke up le " i said softly
" huh? "
" WE BROKE UP LE LA!! " and i stared at him
" oh, sorry sorry "
when he said sorry, i was kinda sad too
like he's pitying me for my sorry plight, what the hell
everybody was shocked to hear that
but do they know that their reactions starts to irritate me already
initially, i was yea, super upset
then slowly slowly, immune
and finally, yes yes yes, that's a fact that i don't wanna accept too but blahblahblah
like i know it's so sudden, but it's not like i wanted it right?, i'm trying to accept it here
so help me with it alright?
today when i'm walking home, i thought of you again.
i don't know why i keep doing things that i know it's definitely hurt myself
my sisters told me not to contact you anymore
but i just can't bring myself to do it
i know i shouldn't call you, but i still did anyway
everyday you'd gave me a new reason not to be happy
it's not entirely your fault, i took it too hard
sorry to make you look like the bad guy
but your words, your speed of getting used to things, i just can't accept that
it's not a bad thing, it's just my own problem
do you know how much courage i took to call you everytime
i feel like a clown entertaining myself, talking to myself, pretending that nothing's wrong
today i asked you, do you feel that you have nothing to talk to me?
and you replied, yes kind of
can you imagine how pain your words are?
you make me feel like i'm talking to a stranger
so what's the meaning of this?
your love ended when we broke up?
you said that you're not that heartless person that i thought you are
but your words, your actions just don't look like you are in pain
maybe you can hide your feelings well i don't know
i don't wanna regret starting this relationship
i wanted this to be the best relationship i have and i've always thought it would be
are my relationship cursed?
a curse that all my relationships cannot go pass 3months
i'm afraid to step into a relationship now
i'm sorry to still have expectations for you
when i know i can't have anymore
the higher the expectations, the more disappointed you'll get if it didn't happen
that's exactly what i'm doing
hoping that one day when i talk to you, you'd say you still love me
and that it hurts you as much as i do
that's why it hurts so much when i talk to you everyday
i'm disappointed everyday
maybe one day when i really no longer have hopes
your life would be easier
sorry for everything
ps: i love you
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