today i think i can give myself 50marks
i'm feeling quite alright today, especially when i'm with jill
she totally took my mind of this matter
i was busy introducing all the nice food in our school, discussing about our pay, finding joy in every little thing we saw, like the leaves that's clapping
HAHAHA that's really very funny la!
should have taken a picture of it
BUT
before i met jill or belbel or diana
when i was sitting alone at that little corner that i found that would be my new hiding place,
i saw the powerpoint that i made for him for our second month
looking through the slides, all the memories came back
flashing like a movie in my mind
a sudden gush of sadness overwhelmed me once again
but suddenly i saw bel and diana so i held back my tears
lucky they came in time, if not i would have thought of more and more things and those bad emotions would come back again
i don't like them, stealing my sun and filled my world with dark clouds and thunderstorm
my feelings are just like the weather recently
sometimes, the sun would shine brightly but the next minute lightning and thunder
are they a reflection of my feelings?
but anyway, i think i'm a very good girl today
i haven't really cried today
i tried so hard not to think about you
and it helps
i've only thought of you twice today
once in the morning and once when i'm walking home at night.
everyday i would want to call you badly, when i know that would only make me feel worst
but today i did great, not only did i refrain myself from calling you names that i used to call you
dear, darling, baobei, honey, baby, dardar, sweetheart
a lot of times, i almost called wrongly
ethan tan ethan tan ethan tan ethan tan X1000000
i must get used to this
today i told myself, i have to get rid of all the habits that i'm used too
i'm too reliant on you in the past, that made me so difficult to get used to life without you
no one to accompany me when i needed it
no one for me to sajiao to
no one for me to call or sms whenever i feel like it
you made me realised that i'm not alone and that i can rely on you, but now when i'm 100% reliant on you, you are not there for me anymore.
i'm just kinda disappointed
but as long as i can get over this
and get used to my single life and be independent again, i should be fine
but god knows how long it'll take for me to be independent
No matter what i must continue what i did today and not think so much
taking things easy and keep myself occupied at all times
maybe working would be a good idea though it's very tiring and time consuming
but maybe that's exactly what i need.
today is the 4th day since we broke up
i still miss you
i still love you
my dear
ps: i love you
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